I love you

"I love you" The first time I said it I meant

I think you're a person who I could trust

A person who I would like to spend time around. A person who I could feel ok farting in front of.

"I love you" I said and I meant

Whenever "Fight song" comes on the radio I think of you

And whenever "Our song" comes on the radio I think of you and whenever "Starving" comes on the radio I think of you. 

And all music makes me think of you. 

"I love you" I say and I mean
I love talking to you, sneaking away from dinner as soon as I can and watching the summer sky grow dark as with your voice in my ear.
"I love you" I say and I mean

I'm glad you're here in this room, in this moment and your arms around me feel solid and real.

"I love you" I say and I mean 

Your voice at the other end of the phone call feels like the closest thing to home I've found in these last three months when not even the ground under my feet stays the same.

"I love you" and I mean

I'm kind of angry right now because you're not enough of a feminist but I want to work with you to find a way to make this relationship work.

"I love you" and I mean

I wish you weren't so hard on yourself,

"I love you" and I mean

I appreciate you driving me to Albany from Vermont when I'm too tired to stand or talk.

"I love you"

I like when you fuck me like that.

"I love you"

I like the way we spin worlds from words together; silly little fantasies to make each other smile. 

"I love you"

I'm glad you get along with my family,

"I love you"

I just drove seven hours to see you and you'd better fucking appreciate it,

"I love you"

It's hard for me to understand you sometimes,

"I love you"

I like your friends,

"I love you"

Please don't jump off any buildings,

"I love you"

Let's talk again soon, let's dance again soon, let's fuck again soon, let's be together again soon.

"I love you" I say and I mean

I didn't know my heart had the capacity to feel this big. There's a gaping cavern in my chest and it's filled with echoes of your name and coal that knows that soon it will turn into diamonds and it burns like it's on fire and it's the best thing that's happened to me yet.

"I love you" I say and I mean

How did I live so long without you? 

The seen poem

I see the sunlight that slants through the trees and turns your eyes gold.
I see that this dress hugs your shoulders and pulls my eyes towards your collarbones
I see the way you throw your mouth open when you laugh as though your body literally cannot contain all the joy it holds.
I saw you when you stopped traffic to help a single frog across the road.
I see you pour love, like maple syrup into your job.
Day after day, I see you come home exhaused because making sap is ahrd work but the end result is so sweet.
I saw you when you coldly informed that teenage boy that "gay" is not an insult.
I see you wear that knotted rainbow friendship braclet every day, daring anyone to notice.
I see the joy you take in painting your eyes in glitter and I know that bright red lipstick is the armor you put on before heading into battle and I know your name is your war cry.

I hear that when you ask "are you alright?" you're saying"I love you"
And when you sing loudly and out of key that's because you believe that every human should have a voice, no matter the pitch.
I hear you shouting "fuck" into tunnels just to see if there's anyone on the other end.
I hear you whispering to stay cats "it's going to be ok. It's going to be ok."
I hear you silently counting seconds between thunder
I hear you impatiently tapping out rhythms on your legs.
I hear you hate to wait.
I heard you the time you called me on the phone. Seconds oozing into minutes as you searched for the words. I heard you when you  told me I was your first love, words tender as a baby bird, and just as vulnerable.

Things I would like to hear you say

Hello
I love you
I see the sunlight that slants through the trees and turns your eyes gold.
That dress hugs your shoulders and pulls my eyes towards your collarbones
I love the sarong you got me, I use it all the time.
I know that when you ask "are you alright?" you mean "I love you"
Talking to you is like coming home
I find myself in the twists and turns of your voice just so that I can lose myself again.
Kissing you is fireworks and starlight and moonshine brandy.
Touching you is running my fingers across my keyboard and seeing words dance across my screen. I'll never be able to explain it but I know it better than my own skin.
I would dance with you on the ashes of the dead world and where our feet touched the ground, golden rod would spring out of rich earth.
You're my walls, you're my roof, your my ground.
The fire inside you is beautiful. It's never too bright
It keeps me warm and the night is never too dark or scary when you're burning.
You're never too loud. I relish the thunder and the crickets and pounding bass and everything in between.
I want to be closer to you than simple physics will allow. I want to feel every beat of your heart and know it like music.
I want to sing along for as long as I can.
And when I stop following your melody, I will always have the harmony we made.