The power of the rib cage

 "I'll take you to New York." He said.

"Don't make promises you can't keep." I said.

"I won't." He promised. 

And I let myself believe him. 

I'm not mad at him, I just

feel like he cracked open his ribs, offered up the marrow in his chest and said

"Eat."

And I didn't even know I was hungry;

When I was eighteen, I was friends with a girl named Danielle and she was always falling in love and having her heart broken.

When I was nineteen, I listened to a podcast that suggested vulnerability could be a form of power

It has taken me twenty-five years of my life to figure out how to unlock the hard cage of my ribs and let the rare bird of my heart out

When I was eighteen I watched Danielle lay herself open to her lovers, spread herself out on the table and say "I am a full damn meal."

She would have heard him say "I will take you to New York." and believed him without a second thought.

I don't think she ever made it to New York but she always thought she might be on her way.

I was made of weaker stuff. 

I depended on the wall of my rib cage to keep out the wolves. 

I was never the meal for others until I had fed myself first.

I took myself to New York.

There was nothing wrong with this.

It happened so slowly, the change in my chest

At first just eggs, robin blue, barely more then a little oblong toy

Then tiny birds, gasping for breath. Crying out for their mother.

The day they learned to fly, I was so scared for them. I had never seen such

Delicate things take on the air.

Tiny, perfect fighters of gravity. 

And so I taught myself to put the key in the lock and open the cage and let the birds fly away.

I taught myself to lay bare and sit still and let others enjoy the meal of me. 

I learned to let someone else take me to New York.

He wasn't the first. (He was among the first.)

I won't let him be the last. 

A study in breaking up

 "I'll take you to New York." He said.

"Don't make promises you can't keep." I said.

"I won't." He promised. 

And I let myself believe him. 

The earth tilts for me

 The earth tilts for me to make the days just

A few moments longer and brighter

So you and I can laze in golden sun 

As it dips and just flirts with horizon

The edge of the world seems too close

And too far--my calves grow fat with the seeking

 Of light that glows true--there are no shadows here

And no secrets we tell just for keeping

The sun whispers stories of light just for me

The summer hangs ripe with their promise

I'll lay butterfly kisses along your soft cheeks

And the days just get longer and longer

Luminescence

 I'm a human glow stick

I didn't know it was dark and then you cracked me open

Or no, I'm the fireflies under the trees in the evening, 

Wanting love so dearly I radiate light

I'm also the fireworks springing apart in the open sky

The very act of your eyes on me is an explosion

You are the stars 

And I will crack and yearn and explode underneath you. 

Heart on your sleeve

This morning I woke up and I could barely fit on the pillow beside the enormous heart 

You wear on your sleeve.

I keep falling in love and writing new love poems

Only really its the same love over and over again.

The same dance steps, the same sunsets and every time I forget the constellations that rise

But the stars are always there glittering inside me. 

I'm not mad at you, I just

feel like you cracked open your ribs, offered up the marrow in your chest and said

"Eat."

And I didn't even know I was hungry;

We are porcelain. We are the thin plastic trash can by my desk 

Made brittle with age and whenever I drop something in it another 

Little bit snaps off and I don't know how we're still standing

With all that breaking and imperfections.

We are fumbling towards each other with cold numbed fingers and fire hot mouths.

I'll lick strips of you away like melting ice cream and 

You'll drip all over my fingers and turn me sticky with all your softness.

I'm not mad but but you should probably do something

About all these butterflies where my heart should be.