Things I wish I didn’t have to tell people:

• Yes. I am ‘like a feminist or something’
• No. I don’t hate men
• Yes, systems of patriarchy upset me
• Yes, being a feminist has something to do with why I don't shave
• I don't shave because I like my body with hair.
• Shaving is a hassle and, when I have body hair I’m breaking stereotypes
• Iif just one little girl decides she’s more comfortable with her body because of me, me not shaving will have been worth it
• If someone doesn’t want to fuck me because of my body hair, I wouldn’t have wanted to fuck them anyway.
• No, I don’t think you not shaving makes you less of a feminist, if it makes you feel empowered I strongly believe you should do what you want with your body
• Yes I am gay
• No, I am not gay because of my armpit hair
• I use gay as a blanket term
• I do not hate men because I’m gay
• I do occasionally fuck men or date them
• No, I’m not straight, and dating men doesn’t invalidate my queer identity
• My identity is valid no matter what you think of it
• Fuck you

A PSA

To my readers (all none of them)
The patriarchy is real. Racism is real. Ableism is real. Classism is real. These are intersectional systems of oppression. If someone calls you out on having one of these prejudices and you get defensive, reexamine the way you react. It's not your job to tell someone else what their expierience of oppression is. Change your behavior and move the fuck on.

Anarchy!! (relationship anarchy)

Here’s an article on relationship anarchy, as I understand it. Relationship anarchy is a reaction against labels and traditional understandings of romantic and platonic relationships. So someone who is a relationship anarchist doesn’t use labels as ‘friend’ or ‘partner’ or ‘lover’ or whatever but rather approaches each relationship with each individual in their life as unique. To some level we all do this. The friend you call on special occasions and meet for lunch twice a year is a different relationship that the friend you see once a week and spill all your darkest secrets. Similarly, the romantic relationship you had in high school for three months is different than the partner you live with for three years. Poly people already recognize this, relationship anarchists even more so.

Relationship anarchy is also a reaction against the idea of the ‘relationship escalator’ or the idea that all romantic relationships have an end goal of marriage. A relationship escalator might start with casual dating, then sex, then moving in together, then engagement, and finally marriage. At any point the relationship could end in a breakup or divorce but ultimately, the end goal of the ‘relationship escalator’ is marriage. Again, if you’re poly you probably get why this isn’t a great relationship model for you personally. Disclaimer: I’m sure it works for some people, but for me personally it’s restricting and I don’t plan on getting married at all, so that alone makes it pretty ineffective for me.
I tend to approach people in a pretty relationship anarchist way. I treat every relationship I have as unique and I don’t let labels limit the activities I do in each relationship. In a perfect world I would be a relationship anarchist. But this isn’t a perfect world. Even though I run in circles with more poly and queer people than an average cross section of america, many of them still don’t know what relationship anarchy is. It’s a lot easier to explain intention to people with romantic, sexual, or platonic labels. Even explaining that I want to be in a poly relationship with someone is a lot easier for me than just saying ‘I’m a relationship anarchist.’ It’s also easier for me to explain my own desires in terms of labels sometimes. I’m trying to break the habit but while I figure it out, I’m still not identifying as a relationship anarchist.

If I were a scratch n' sniff sticker I would smell like the dessert after a rain storm. The dust settled back into the earth. Prickly leaves caresses by the rain drops and small rivulets flowing downhill, destination unknown.
Or maybe I would smell like the seeding room on a planting day. Full of rich earth and dusty plastic and metallic copper of hose water. A smell sharp and round at the same time. Chemicals and decayed soil and things that grow.
If I were a scratch n' sniff sticker I would smell like a bedroom in the morning. Day old sweat and sex and musk. A  The sun bouncing dust off the crumpled sheets, still warm from the bodies pressed against them seconds ago.
I would be a field of wildflowers with insects buzzing headily in the full heat of the day. I would be the back of the hardware store where they keep the leather gloves. I would be a wool sweater, soaked in campfire smoke. I would be a shed full of wood shavings at a well used horse barn. I would be the ocean as the tides rise to reach towards the face of the moon.

Love poem in pentameter

I am impartial to pentameter

As a matter of restricting verse.

I would rather extol your many virtues

In my own words, unhindered by structure

Or rhyme. Given the time, I would tell you

How your eyes remind me of thunderstorms.

I could tell you how I feel every line

And callous and muscle in your perfect

Hands, and your voice is a rainstorm on a

Tin roof. I’d tell you about the smell of rain

In the desert and the early morning

Sunrise blooming across the open sky.

Notes about monogamy and polyamory

Some definitions:

Monogamy--a desire to have romantic relationships exclusively with one person

Polyamory-- a desire to have non exclusive romantic relationship with one or more people

Heterosexual-- interested romantically or sexually in people of a different gender

Homosexual-- interested romantically or sexually in people of the same gender

Bisexual-- interested romantically or sexually in people of people of two genders

Pansexual--  interested romantically or sexually in people of many/all genders

So I identify as polyamorous. I’m also pansexual. The two are separate but related identities. Like all sexual identities, I don’t believe I chose this. I believe I was born with these identities and this is what works for me personally. Like all identities, I am in no way oppressing anyone else by having my own identities and I literally shouldn’t have to say this because it seems stupidly obvious to me.

Here are some reasons I am polyamorous: Firstly, in all the monogamous relationships I’ve been in, in my life, I’ve always felt trapped and unhappy. This isn’t to say there were no good moments in these relationships but I did feel oppressed in a way that was rooted in monogamy. I still experience unhappiness and struggles in my polyamorous relationships but in a way that isn’t rooted to the polyamory. I don’t believe there’s any way that loving one person more could mean loving another less, romantically or platonically. I don’t believe all my emotional and physical needs could be met by a single friend and similarly, I don’t expect a single partner to meet all my emotional and platonic needs. I believe that jealousy is always an unhealthy feeling and its root is usually some other fear not directly related to monogamy.

That said, sometimes I only have one partner. This doesn’t make me monogamous in the same way that being single doesn’t make me asexual and being with a man doesn’t make me heterosexual. I’m no less choosey about the people I date because I’m polyamorous. In fact, if anything, my standards have become more rigorous for partners because now I expect the people I date to be alright with my polyamory. That said, I have dated people for whom I am their only partner but they are not my only partner. There are all sorts of poly relationships and they way I engage with it is only one person’s take on it.

Tune in next time for my bit on relationship anarchy and feel free to google any of these terms for better understanding and/or fact check me! Also check out this webcomic because it's cool and about polyamory!