To do Sun Mar 5th:
- Fill out prelim. application for park ranger job
- Reply to Sarah’s b-day party invite for Mar 17th
- Clean out winter sleeping bag for camping next weekend
- Read “Forests of the Northeast: A food foraging guide”
- Go food shopping for next weekend
- Check this box for being wonderful
To do Sun Mar 11th:
- All the laundry from camping
- All the dishes from camping
- Check this box for having a great time camping!
- Finish “Forests of the Northeast”
- Phone date with Delia Tues at 7
- Sarah’s party Fri night at 6
To do Sun Mar 19th:
- Text Sandra from Sarah’s party
- Think about something other than Sandra for the next 24 hours
- Check this box for being sexy and good at flirting
- Read “Edible plants of the Northeast”
- Do literally anything but think about Sandra
To do Weds Mar 22nd:
- Dishes!
- Cook!
- Ask Jane for reference for park ranger job
- DATE WITH SANDRA ON FRIDAY NIGHT TO SEE MOONLIGHT!
- FREAK THE FUCK OUT
- Plan outfit
- Ask Sarah or Delia if they have something other than hiking clothes
- FREAK OUT SOME MORE
- Check this box for knowing I’m going to kick ass
- Seriously do some fucking dishes
To do Sun Mar 26th:
- Dishes
- Laundry
- Make challah to give to Jane as a thank you for references
- Plan camping trip with Alan to the Suspicions
- Schedule interview with PARKS DEPARTMENT
- Check this box for the ENCHANTING DATE I FUCKING NAILED ON FRIDAY NIGHT
- Check this box for both literal and figurative use of the word nailed; you beast
- Read “Scavenger Species: Finding Food in the Forest”
- Make rent
To do Thur Mar 30th:
- Interview tomorrow after work
- Pick out literally only button down in wardrobe
- Go on date with Sandra Saturday!!! AHAHHHHAHAHHH
- Maybe borrow some lingerie and dental dams from Delia
- Check this box if every step I take is literally fucking floating on clouds
- Cement camping in Suspicions with Alan to the weekend of the 7th
- Make sure camping stove is still functional
- Look into iodine water filters
- Read at least up to page 100 of “Scavenger Species”
- Plan April fools prank for Delia, Sarah, and Adam
To do Sun Apr 2nd:
- Check this box if you NAIL INTERVIEWS AND BEAUTIFUL FREAKING WOMEN NAMED SANDRA
- PREPARE FOR SANDRA COMING OVER TUES
- SANDRA SANDRA SANDRA SANDRA SANDRA
- Check camping stove
- Check iodine filters
- Start “Scavenger Species”
- Do some dishes, for real.
- Generally clean up the apartment.
- For real, Sandra’s coming over Tuesday
To do Thurs Apr 6th:
- Do not be late to work today
- Apologize to Jane for being late yesterday
- Do not mention having sex with Sandra literally all of Tuesday night
- Check camping stoves and iodine filters
- Don’t check phone so often during work
- Do check this box if you had AMAZING SEX WITH SANDRA AND THINK IT MIGHT BE . . . SOMETHING?
- Do not miss phone call with Delia tonight at 7
- Listen to Delia and don’t just think about Sandra ALL THE TIME
- No matter how hard it is
- Look into buying a strap-on
- Send in license and tax doc to park ranger job
To do Fri Apr 7th:
- Call and cancel with Alan last minute
- Read the next 10 pages of “Scavenger Species”
- Apologize to Jane for falling asleep at desk today
- Do not mention sex with Sandra to Jane
- Apologize to Delia for missing phone call last night
- It’s probably ok to mention sex with Sandra to Delia as long as I talk about 1 other thing
- Bake challah apology for Alan, Jane, and Delia (Sandra mentioned she wanted to learn to cook challah)
- Check this box for seeing Sandra last night and tonight
- Don’t spend money I can’t spare on a strap-on, no matter how much I want it
- Which is a lot. I want it a lot
To do Sun Apr 9th:
- Try to get some sleep tonight
- Try to get up in time for work tomorrow
- Buy food not stap-ons
- Read next 10 pages of “Scavenger Spechies”
- Check this box for being really, really tired and not regretting it at all
To do Weds Apr 12th:
- Remember to take my toothbrush and deodorant home from Sandra’s tonight
- Bring over NEW STRAP-ON
- Which I told me not to buy
- And was SO WORTH IT anyway
- Check this box for continuing to kick ass on that park ranger job and not pissing off Jane so much she takes her recommendation back--yet, knock on wood
- Send in fiscal forms for park service
- Find some money to buy food
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