Notes about monogamy and polyamory

Some definitions:

Monogamy--a desire to have romantic relationships exclusively with one person

Polyamory-- a desire to have non exclusive romantic relationship with one or more people

Heterosexual-- interested romantically or sexually in people of a different gender

Homosexual-- interested romantically or sexually in people of the same gender

Bisexual-- interested romantically or sexually in people of people of two genders

Pansexual--  interested romantically or sexually in people of many/all genders

So I identify as polyamorous. I’m also pansexual. The two are separate but related identities. Like all sexual identities, I don’t believe I chose this. I believe I was born with these identities and this is what works for me personally. Like all identities, I am in no way oppressing anyone else by having my own identities and I literally shouldn’t have to say this because it seems stupidly obvious to me.

Here are some reasons I am polyamorous: Firstly, in all the monogamous relationships I’ve been in, in my life, I’ve always felt trapped and unhappy. This isn’t to say there were no good moments in these relationships but I did feel oppressed in a way that was rooted in monogamy. I still experience unhappiness and struggles in my polyamorous relationships but in a way that isn’t rooted to the polyamory. I don’t believe there’s any way that loving one person more could mean loving another less, romantically or platonically. I don’t believe all my emotional and physical needs could be met by a single friend and similarly, I don’t expect a single partner to meet all my emotional and platonic needs. I believe that jealousy is always an unhealthy feeling and its root is usually some other fear not directly related to monogamy.

That said, sometimes I only have one partner. This doesn’t make me monogamous in the same way that being single doesn’t make me asexual and being with a man doesn’t make me heterosexual. I’m no less choosey about the people I date because I’m polyamorous. In fact, if anything, my standards have become more rigorous for partners because now I expect the people I date to be alright with my polyamory. That said, I have dated people for whom I am their only partner but they are not my only partner. There are all sorts of poly relationships and they way I engage with it is only one person’s take on it.

Tune in next time for my bit on relationship anarchy and feel free to google any of these terms for better understanding and/or fact check me! Also check out this webcomic because it's cool and about polyamory!