A self portrait in grays

A lists of my texts to you between three and four in the morning:
hey

u still up

probably not lol

i was just thinking
what was that movie we went to see in November?

u remember, it had that little boy who runs away with his grandad
or is it his uncle
the movie is filmed in New Zealand, i think
sometimes i want to run away to new Zealand

jk

but, like, i was also thinking about after the movie

u never said sorry

everyone in the theatre was looking at us
and then after u left they were all looking at me
crying

did i ever tell you that?
i did. i cried after u left.

for like a whole month, actually
but i don't think u knew
u never bothered to ask
u actually haven't talked to me since the movie

and, like i know it wasn't working for u
i keep going over in my head how i could've fixed it
maybe if i spent more time listening and less time talking
maybe if i spent less time with Justin and Dan
maybe if i had gone down in on u more
maybe if i had asked u to go down on me less

but u haven't even texted me ONCE since then

i don't know if i could have fixed it
i don't know if i would want to take u back
i dont know if i could say no if u asked for me back

do u want me back?